One week

One week...7 days...I think that's 168 hours...my father has been in heaven for one week. Tonight is the night...I am still at peace that my father is in heaven, but my mind is a flutter...perhaps the combination of Bryan being out of town, watching the Pedro Zamora story on MTV, looking at old pageant pics of Dad and I, and reading the caringbridge site of our neighbor Jennifer Lukach is not a good idea:)

I ache right now for one week where I could lock my bedroom door and read, watch endless reruns of the West Wing, blog on my various sites, and listen to my worship songs on Pandora and eat pickle roll-ups and chips and dip...just one week.

I'm consumed right now by this need to remember my father, for everyone to know of him, to remember him. I ask Veronica about Papa every day, make sure she sees a picture, I want to keep their special relationship alive. I want to blog about every single memory I have of him and load this site with every picture of him...I suppose that is normal:)

Oooooooohhhh bright moment...just saw a commercial that "The Hills" returns to MTV on Monday...so silly...but so helpful...a guilty pleasure does a heart good:)

I have some struggle moments, moments where I think of Dad's struggle moments, moments where I think about what the final days at home were like for him and Mom...but what I am struck by is that these moments are just that, a moment, and than I am calm and ok, filled with peace...I am no fool, this is not because I am some super strong human being...it is because I have completely surrendered myself to God and it is only through his strength and loving care that I am able to come to terms with all of this with total peace upon my heart. There is personal responsibility in life, accountability, free-will...I'm big into being accountable (probably because I'm not a lot of the time...ha ha)...but sometimes I think we are too quick to give ourselves credit and forget our heavenly Father who is holding us in the palm of his hand and lifting us and helping us to grow and to cope, especially if we open our hearts completely to HIM.

So today I feel a little weird...but above the weirdness...I feel incredibly blessed that I had a Father who made me feel like I was this incredibly phenomenal, special being...Dad just made me feel SO SPECIAL...I gotta tell you, in my Dad's eyes, I felt just about PERFECT...truly. I just feel LUCKY...I was given a lot...TIME...time I never thought I would have...and I have a father who is whole, who's body is fully healed...PRAISE THE LORD.

So today is one more day done...one day at a time...and one day more that you hopefully saw my father...in his daughter's eyes.

I LOVE YOU DAD!!!! BINKY MOUSE (SKIPPY, JIG A JIG, and RON-CA too)